Used to think recovery meant being a monk. Zero desire. Zero contact. But thats not how addiction works innit. Recovery is about managing urges not pretending they dont exist.
When im feeling low and tempted to slide back into old patterns drinking seems easy. Comfortable. Familiar. But I know where that road leads. Hospital. Jail. Worse. So instead I see Sarah or Emma. Professional. Safe. Clean.
Some folks judge but they dont understand. Sex work isnt just about getting off. Its connection. Touch. Being seen as a human when addiction makes u feel invisible. My sessions are rarely even about sex. Sometimes just talking. Sometimes just being held.
Last week with Emma we barely touched. I was having a rough patch. She listened. Made tea. Didnt push. Thats harm reduction too. Better than me alone with a bottle trying to numb everything out.
Not saying this is perfect. Not saying its for everyone. But its how I stay clean. How I remind myself im still human. Still worthy of intimacy. Still capable of something besides self destruction.