I hate the pre-booking conversation. Every single time. There's this moment where I have to explain my body, my transness, and hope the person I'm about to see doesn't suddenly decide I'm too complicated. It's exhausting.
Last week I reached out to a worker I'd seen before. We'd had a good connection last time, comfortable vibe. But when I mentioned being trans this time, the tone shifted. Suddenly all these hesitant questions. 'What exactly does that mean?' 'Are you fully transitioned?' I could feel her pulling back.
I get it. Not everyone knows how to handle a trans client. But christ, I'm still a person. Still paying the same rate. Still wanting connection. Still wanting to feel desired.
Some workers are amazing. They ask direct questions, listen, make me feel like my body is just another body. Not a problem to solve or a puzzle to figure out. Just me.
The rejection stings. Always does. Makes me feel like I'm too much work. Too complicated. And in a world that already makes trans folks feel undesirable, that's a hard fucking thing to sit with.