Sometimes I wonder if my social anxiety is why I became a software developer. Code makes sense. People don't. Last night with Siobhan felt like debugging human interaction.
I booked her through a discreet Dublin service. My hands were shaking typing the initial message. Not from excitement exactly. More that stomach-churning panic of potential rejection. Even when you're literally paying someone to spend time with you, there's still this weird vulnerability.
She was patient. Professional. Asked about my day like she actually wanted to hear about the python script I'd been wrestling with. Most women my age look bored five seconds into tech talk. But Siobhan listened. Made eye contact. Touched my arm when I got animated about machine learning.
The physical intimacy was good. But honestly? The conversation was better. Someone seeing me. Really seeing me. Not the awkward programmer who freezes up in group settings. Just me.
I know some people judge this. But for guys like me with severe social anxiety, these encounters are more than sex. They're human connection. Controlled. Safe. Understood.